video 1 – small video
video 2 – large video
I’ve talked about having problems with anxiety many times in my previous videos but this is the first time I decided to talk about it in detail. I did this because quite a few of you were asking about the change in my videos. I didn’t know how else to explain it other than telling you what was going on behind the scenes.
When I first started filming videos, it was very enjoyable. My family and I had a lot of fun with it but the more I filmed, the more my anxiety grew. You who have been with me since the beginning know that I used to frequent Lowe’s quite a lot. Then one day I had a mini panic attack in the store. I struggled to catch my breath and had to sit down. I thought it was just a one-time thing so I went home and returned a few days later, only for the same thing to happen again.
Then I noticed it was getting harder and harder for me to sit down in front of the camera. I worried about the lighting, my words, the music, the comments and everything else you could possibly think of when it comes to making videos. With Joe’s encouragement I kept pushing through until I just came to the point I couldn’t. So I sat down and filmed about what was going on. Even after I finished, I still wasn’t sure if I was going to share it with everyone. But I’m glad I did. It’s been a huge weight off my shoulders and an opportunity I didn’t even know would happen.
After uploading, the comments came pouring in. Stories of your own trials with anxiety, depression, isolation, exhaustion, ambitions that weren’t accomplished and what was holding you back, as well as you who shared words of support, encouragement, names of herbs, names of doctors, names of books, names of treatments and the list goes on. I am positively overwhelmed with everyone’s kindness and generosity and plan on rereading those comments often. Thank you ❤️ If you’re looking for encouragement through trying times, please read those comments ►.
For those of you who asked about depression, I definitely get sad about it at times but it’s not depression. I explain this a little more in the second video. In the first video I was overwhelmed with thinking about how long I’ve had this and how it has effected my life, especially with making these videos. For example, when the Rhodes’ family visited and it was time to be filmed, I froze and didn’t say a word. And yes, this moment is in his video. 😊 Joe and I had a talk afterwards and I was able to pull myself together for filming the next day. Thank goodness!
So… I’m NOT going to stop filming. I’m GOING to push through. The videos may seem a little odd at times (LOL! and I guess this is normal for me) and there might be a greater distance between them than usual but I CAN DO IT! You may remember this t-shirt from my Instagram? The minute I saw it, I knew I had to buy it. Yes, it was an impulse buy and I’m not sorry about it. 😁 I wear it and read it often and so should you. Well, not wear it. Just read it. 🤣
Thank you again to all of you and I wish you a beautiful day! ❤️